Home for the Holidays & Other Calamities
by Chris Radant
22 short stories about real life, family and holidays.
Published 1995, Paperback Books, division of Simon & Schuster

(From: "Cabin Fever—The effects of Boston winters on one woman’s mood", from Home for the Holidays & Other Calamities, p.115)

…Odd, isn’t it, that this is the season so often depicted in a romantic fashion on postcards of New England. The truth is, it brings out the absolute worst in people, making it easy to become both physically and temperamentally ugly…Winter is profoundly unsexy. The senses become dulled by too little light, itchy alpaca wool, food tainted by snoots full of Vicks VapoRub and lips encased in medicated goo. After 14 years in Boston, I still cannot tell a male from a female with greater than 50% accuracy between November and March. We all lumber around among the other genderless shapes with bitter scowls and parkas the size of cumulus clouds. We women must completely abandon all attempts to reveal our womanly figures. No man worth having is apt to croon, "Wow, look at that lump of Gortex-covered down with waterproofed stumps!"

Beneath our down coats, which can also be used as flotation devices or featherbeds, it only gets worse…from months of holiday glee and low-impact hibernation. Add to this that by simply removing your hat, you can cause your hair to stand straight out from your head as if you’d been scared out of your wits…

Read excerpt 1:"Home for the Holidays"